The winner of my fan made music video contest is David Estep.
First of all I would like to thank everybody who submitted to the contest, and I am not just saying it. Every submission touched my heart. I would also like to thank my fans whose generosity made this contest possible.
In order to determine the winner, I sort of stepped aside and let the “popular vote” decide. I personally know one of the contestants and really like his video, too (as I do many of the entries), but as I said, I let the numbers speak for themselves so that my subjectivity does not get in the way.
Here is the winning entry.
The following submissions are getting smaller prizes – a “Thank You For Your Sex” (TM) t-shirt and a copy of my CD.
(all winners: please send me your contact info and mailing address to info@schizowave.com)
I actually feel like shit. I actually do. I feel unneeded, unnecessary, not loved at all, completely alone. I don’t care anymore. May be i will again tomorrow, but now…God, why me. Why a thousand masks that I need to wear, why stupid people who expect me to be this or that, why this gaping contrast between me as a human and me as a fucking product. Somebody please hand me a tissue. For crying out loud. Have mercy on me, I never promised to carry all the weight on my shoulders, I never promised to keep smiling like a clown for your personal entertainment, behind the curtain. God. Have mercy on me.
I found a bench at an outdoors concert because I am fucking tired and don’t like the band,
I pulled out my Mac Air and decided it’s a good time to think about life and consequently, blog.
Then I remembered I did not respond to an important email about yes, my upcoming release (no plug intended, just an honest description of my life).
Next thing I know, a drunk English boy comes up to me, looks over my shoulder into my email (“Dear So-and-so, I got your email and I….”) and goes off:
“Tell him you don’t like him and don’t want him….what are you doing, write, write!”
…. (I am listening)
…….. (I am listening)
……….. (I am listening)
…Yes, tell him he is UGLY!”
I laughed for ten minutes after he left, how am I going to prove to anybody that I am not on drugs laughing all by myself on a bench while everybody else is having a rock’n'roll experience?”
It has been three thousand years since I blogged. Mountains have fallen, ice has melted, and I still in flight. In a way. Serious thoughts still appear in my head occasionally but then I think, does anybody care? Who knows. I was looking at faces at the airport today. I don’t like Midwestern post-25-y.o faces. They are blank. I am not even going to be nice, I did not paint those faces with a brush, they chose to be this way. Piggy faces. I was thinking about children with joy and curiosity in their eyes, and how most of them grow into dull consumers. The paranoid anti-utopian books are not that far off. Fuck. Then I was thinking about modified foods, and about America being a land of opportunity. For real. But somehow it is a lot easier to take advantage of this opportunity if you are an immigrant (or if you grew up in a privileged family. Which means, you filter the crap, and you possess a habit of thinking for yourself). It also helps to have a brain. But it is a land of opportunity. So strange a lot of people choose TV. Fucking bizarre. I suppose, I have to talk about SXSW, and my upcoming release. I don’t want to. Let other people talk about all of it, hey, why the fuck not. I swear a lot. I don’t even know why. But how do I explain this to anybody…at the end of the day, it’s just me, and what’s in my head, and that’s my world. Magical, but mine, just mine. *Smile*
Posted by Lena 
Posted by Lena 
Posted by Lena 
